Knit Lord Voldemort
Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at

General Audiences
Archive Warning:
No Archive Warnings Apply
Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Molly Weasley, Voldemort, Madam Malkin
Additional Tags:
Alternate Universe - Crack, Knitting, I blame Zwaluw, and ADD, Knitting is Magic, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously
The Antidiogenes Club Book
Published: 2016-01-02 Words: 658

Knit Lord Voldemort


Voldemort took up the magic art of knitting, the nation trembles and Molly decides Albus can go suck a lemondrop with his 'no teaching Harry without me knowing'.


Other ideas that didn't make it in:
Snape vs Molly in the great lettered jumper fight
wool vs cotton
the dark mark is a ball of yarn and a snake

Knit Lord Voldemort

Voldemort Back! Battle in the Ministry! Death Knitters Captured!

The Daily Prophet’s proclamations had sent a mighty heave of panic, ‘I told you so’s’ and despair through the country. The people who had believed the Prophets earlier sentence of madness and senility for Dumbledore and Potter felt decidedly stupid. Several sent apology letters with a few nice patterns as a way to make it up to both the accused and the friends they ridiculed for going against the paper. Others took the morning off from work and floo called a ward constructor to update the protection around the house.

Voldemort and his Death Knitters were feared throughout the country, they practiced the ancient and mostly ignored magic of Knitting. Specialised needles with wandcores to infuse their creations with all manners of spells and curses, patterns designed by Arithmancers, Rune masters and Astrologists valued above all for their ability to draw and hold power. In the beginning of the Knit lord’s reign of terror he had sent such innocent and innocuous gifts to those he wanted gone, a soft fuzzy scarf that strangled the necks it hung around, a pair of mittens that forced the wearers hands to choke themselves or others to death. There had been quite some confusion before they realised the magic was in the woollen and cotton gifts, so lovingly crafted.

This time though the people would be better prepared, all knitwear would be gathered in one place and locked away, they’d found out the hard way the spells could transfer from one thing to another. Madam Malkin immediately changed her order for the autumn and winter collections to exclude all things knitted and replace them with soft fleeces, even the most traditionalist old purebloods would wear dirty muggle stuff if it would protect them from murderous scarves and hats. She also ordered some extra warm clothing, being crushed to death by a cardigan or a jumper was not something people wanted, they’d need to replace them, even if temporarily.

The only knitwear that was safe from contamination was that which had been enchanted against it. The only properly registered Knitwitch was Molly Weasley, though it was a secret well kept. The Prewetts and the Weasleys had always had at least one Knitwitch in their family, currently that was Molly. After the last witch hunts they had hidden their Knit magic, away from those who did not practice it. All members of the family aided in the creation of patterns for protection and hiding, with whatever profession they could do best. The astrologers looked at how to best harness the power from the stars, arithmancers looked at the numerical values of the patterns, making sure they were even and wouldn’t disrupt each of the added spells. Transfigurers to  keep the colours locked in, charmers to design everfresh patterns and plushies that soothe crying children.
Molly had been pondering her dilemma for quite some time now, she had been teaching all her children to knit, though only Ginny could become the next Knit witch, should she teach Harry too? Voldemort was using the ancient art of her family to do evil, Harry was the one prophesied to defeat him. With some of the patterns from the family grimoire he’d be safer anyhow, whether this was ‘the power he knows not or not’.

It is when she’s looking for a pattern in the Prewett grimoire that she finds a mention of the Potter family patterns, a closer inspection of the the grimoire shows her that there is a very big chance that Harry has Knitting in his blood anyway. Teaching him won’t hurt, will probably help save his life if not the country. And, Molly decides, Albus can’t refuse her teaching him if he doesn’t know.  Yes, this will be what she does, she’ll gather some new wool, some easy but practical patterns and she’ll take Harry shopping for needles as soon as she can manage it.


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